Fun Stuff by Pastor John Samson
This is a serious blog. We as contributors are very serious about what we do. However, I was sent this today and thought I would post it here. I realize I am taking a great risk in doing so. There are some Christians who have not been Sovereignly, unconditionally and irresistably graced with a sense of humor, nor did common grace step in to fill the void. Sadly, the following will be totally lost on these people. I need to point out to them ahead of time that in no way do we as contributors believe that God will recant of His oath not to flood the earth again, nor do we believe in some way off eschatological fulfillment of biblical prophecy that would allow for Noah being alive and well in our day, living in the United States. No, I post this only to cause chuckling, smiles and laughter. Honestly.. that's all this is!!
REFORMATION THEOLOGY WARNING: Absolutely no theological insight can be gained from the following. Cessationists: Do not despair. This is not a parable!! It contains no deep or veiled insights that only non-cessationists can understand. No, this is, quite simply, a joke.
The Greek word for joke is... oh forget it! A merry heart does good like a medicine.. The Hebrew word for "medicine" is.. oh forget that too... People who have not laughed since the death of the 12 apostles, may just need to look away right now. O.K. - look away...
In the year 2006, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and overpopulated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.
"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.
Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an Environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work.
The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean, you're not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it!"